To All Employees:
It is with the deepest regret I have to inform you this company is going out of business. I understand this is going to be a tough time for you to find another job, with most companies like ours currently declaring bankruptcy. For reasons not understood by this writer, the No Failure Policy in Alberta is being used as an excuse by businesses to move their commerce to Ontario and Saskatchewan where the No Failure Policy does not exist, and results tyrants run supply and service companies.
I understand the working conditions in those provinces are much nastier than they are here, what with employees being forced to produce in order to realize pay raises and promotions. However, for some strange reason the clients seem to appreciate work being completed on time and with the level of quality they were promised. I don’t get it either.
Fortunately the government of Alberta has instituted a new welfare policy which allows employees affected by the No Failure Policy bankruptcies to receive 2 years of welfare. This welfare payment will be paid to you whether you complete your job search requirements on time or not. Should you not secure gainful, or even mediocre employment in the two year period, be not concerned, the government of Alberta will extend your welfare for a subsequent two years with the same job search requirements. Unfortunately, the government will not guarantee payments beyond the period of time it will take taxpaying, hard working Albertans to move to Ontario and Saskatchewan to do business with the slave driving, results oriented businesses in those provinces.
While we tried to convince our customers your lack of production was not an excuse to fire you, indeed it would not hold back promotions and raises, they couldn’t understand our hesitancy. We tried to explain our policy of not judging a person on work not completed, but on that work that was completed. Since so little production was realized, we had to explain how certain we are of your capabilities that we don’t need to actually base our decisions on physical production.
We wish you the best of luck in your job search.
Your former No Failure Policy Employer
P.S. All thanks go to the Edmonton Public School’s No Zero Policy!!
P.S.S. Lyndon Dorval is a HERO!!